"I know your type, boy you're dangerous,
You're that guy, I'd be stupid to trust,
But just one night couldn't be so wrong,
You make me wanna loose control"

Recently, I've been thinking about a certain someone. This person, I know for a fact, isn't healthy for me. But that isn't stopping me. Lord. I just feel like just doing things without thinking them through. I'm sick of following rules and playing safe.

Tell me how dumb I am right now.

"Tonight I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow
Let's do it tonight"

This song got me thinking. What if I died tomorrow? What have I done with my life? I know I'm only sixteen and haven't lived that long but, I have literally done nothing with my life. It scares me, thinking about death. Not because I'm afraid of dying, but because I'm afraid of dying and leaving behind a life not lived.

I need to start doing something with my life and stop waiting for someone to tell me what to do. I need to get over my self esteem issues and not give a damn about what people may think about me. "As long as you are happy, nothing else matters." is what I always tell people. I should learn to take my own advice.

69 years ago, an amazing man was brought into this world. That man is my grandfather. He and my grandmother basically raised me even though they didn't have to, and for that I am forever grateful. We may bicker and fight almost all the time, but you are and will always be the father I never had.

You thought me what real music is, how to play the piano, dance the waltz, ride a bike, play hockey, use a computer, drive (even though I almost gave you a heart attack with my terrible driving skills), and many more. I don't know how to do tell you how much I really do love you, but I do.

Happy 69th birthday grandpa. You always say that you don't want me to ever find someone to love because you think I'd forget about you. I love you with all my heart grandpa. <3

"Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But chains and whips excite me"

Lord. I am so in the mood right now. I haven't done anything for one year and one month already. Kill me now. I have needs! Kinky needs, but still needs. Ugh. This is so frustrating.

"You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast"

I hate that you think you know everything. So what if you don't agree with what I'm doing? I don't see how it's your problem. Its my life, my decisions and I don't have to ask you before I do anything. Who do you think you are? My parent? Even my parents don't make me tell them everything I've done, or I'm about to do.

Yes some of the things I do are dumb but, if I mess up or get into trouble, it'll be my fault cause it was my mistake. It doesn't concern you. So stop sticking your nose into my problems even though you're 'trying to help'.

If I want your help, I'll ask.

"You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious
I think about you all the time, you're so addictive"

Okay this may sound really really sad but, I want a boyfriend. Hahahah. Hey, call me crazy but I love the feeling you get when you have a boyfriend. And believe it or not, it doesn't bother me that when you have a boyfriend you're kinda put on a leash.

The truth is, I miss waking up in the morning and looking forward to seeing my boyfriend. I miss getting good morning texts. I miss getting wake up calls cause my alarm doesn't always work. I miss having someone I could just hug and cuddle up to all the time and no one could say shit about it. Sigh.

So if anyone has a single friend, call me ;) Hahahah.

"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it, but you can still see the crack in that mother fucker's reflection" - Lady Gaga

I don't know why I trust you. Honestly, I don't even know why we're still friends. All you do is judge me and always side the person I'm against. If I'm wrong and you don't agree, I don't mind. But you don't have to keep going on and on about how I'm wrong and the other person is right. Hello? Some support would be good. -.-

Funny Little World just started playing on my iTunes. Sigh. I miss you.

"And I don't know for sure where this is going
Still I hope for more and more
'Cause who would know that you would treat me like a boy
And I treat you like a girl in this funny little world"

Its amazing how this song used to mean so much to me. Now whenever I hear it, I think of you. Why? It was the song you sang to me and before you sang it, you told me you meant every single word. Bullshit. I can't believe I was so naive. Ugh.

You would think that I learnt my lesson. Nope. My heart still skips a beat when you start talking to me and I get butterflies in my tummy. Yes, I still like you. I've been trying to forget you but nothing seems to be working. You still pop in my head every once in awhile. Sigh. It doesn't help that somehow, you start talking to me whenever I think of you. Why are you doing this to me? Stop giving me false hope that I'll get the one thing I want most right now.

Just leave me alone. Please. I can't take it anymore.